Aside

Is Migraine Trendy Enough for you?

So, the “Migraine pose” is becoming a thing, thanks to MUA Nam Vo and Elle Beauty, and the Chronic Migraine community is (rightfully) BENT.

View my whole take on it on my Instagram.

👏🏻This.👏🏻Is.👏🏻Not.👏🏻Okay.👏🏻

And the people calling us out and telling us to “calm down” or to “live a little” are only adding to the stigma we have to encounter every day.

Please, don’t use my migraine to boost your ego.

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny

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Aside

June is Migraine and Headache Awareness Month

Okay, I know it’s only May 4 (May the Fourth be with you, yadda yadda…), but I wanted to post about my plans for June.

I’m going to do a Social Media Challenge for MHAM. Sure, this one on puttingourheadstogether.com is from 2016, but it’s still valid! (The following image and the featured one are from that site)

migrainedisease

As for now, I’m going to rest off my current migraine…

Until next time…

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny

Not Really Okay

I hate saying, “I’m okay,” even when I am…or when I think I am.

I try to be a “glass half full” sort, despite having every reason not to be. In every situation, I try to find a glimmer of a silver lining. Sometimes, it’s hard. Sometimes, it’s really hard, but it’s there, even when I have to make it up.

I’m between neurologists, due to a change in insurance pushing my out of the network of my last one. I got my referral in February (like, the first week of), and I get a call from a Neurology center, telling me to call them back to schedule an appointment, even though the earliest one they had was April.

Okay. Fine. It’s only been since November since my Botox. It’s already totally gone from my system, and I’ll have to essentially start again and not see results for the better part of nine months. What’s another two?

I call.

“We don’t have a referral for you.”

wait, what?

“I am literally returning your call where you said you got my referral and to call and schedule an appointment for April.”

“Who called you?”

“Umm…you did, ma’am.”

“No, it wasn’t me.”

(Aside: She has a distinctive tonality to her voice, not unlike yours truly does, and a thick accent…and she left her name on my voicemail. If it wasn’t the same person, she has a voice twin out there impersonating her.)

So, essentially, she called me a liar, and made me call my PCP back to resend the referral. I do them one better.

I physically go to my PCP’s office.

“What do you mean, they don’t have it, I am the one who sent it!”

How serendipitous to get to speak to the same receptionist who sent over my referral initially? Glass: half full.

She sends it again, and I watch her do it. She hands me a copy with time stamps as evidence.

I call back. Now, they don’t have openings until June.

Oh, and they still don’t have my referral and can’t even make an appointment until it is in their possession. Their office is nearly an hour from me, so it isn’t as though I can just pop over after work.

“I literally watched her send it to you.”

“Well, we don’t have it.”

🙄 …how is that my fault?

I have every intention of asking for a referral to a new new neurologist, because my migraines are back to uncontrollable and I need treatment, like, yesterday.

…whoa…pardon that rant. I strayed a bit off topic, didn’t I?

Sorry, and I know I’ve mentioned the neurologist thing before.

Good news: it appears that the pneumonia has finally run its course.

Back on track.

I hate saying, “I’m okay,” right now. Because I could be okay that moment, but then I won’t be mere hours later.

Then, I feel like a liar. Either I lied about being okay, or I am lying about being less okay. I’m honestly not sure which one. Both, maybe?

I can’t decide if I am ever actually okay, or if I’m jinxing myself by saying so.

I am literally becoming afraid to say that I am okay.

And that is not okay.

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny

So Many Endless Cycles

What sucks about chronic pain conditions are the sheer amount of cycles you as a person are exposed to.

But we can’t talk about them. At least, no one wants us to talk about them.

Migraines cause insomnia, may it be in any of the stages of an attack. The insomnia either exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

We miss work, and we get stressed about our finances. We get stressed about the strain we put on our loved ones. Stress exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

Stress also causes insomnia. See above.

Insomnia and stress can cause anxiety and depression, which leads to more attacks, leading to more anxiety over finances and general depression.

I don’t know about you, but I get depressed from how much stress I cause others. That people worry about me all of the time.

Sometimes, it’s all I can do to not break down and cry.

But I don’t cry. I can’t. Crying exacerbates the attack or triggers the next. The tears form, those telltale gasping breaths begin…and I hold them back. Swallow them away.

However, fighting off the tears and sobs exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

Notice the pattern?

I don’t like to be negative, despite what so many seem to want to believe about me. I don’t like feeling like some sort of useless invalid who does nothing except sleep and cause strain on her friends and family.

Sensing an oncoming attack nearly triggers a panic attack almost every time.

Look above concerning anxiety.

I feel like a failure more often than I feel like a success. My thoughts in times like these get dark, I feel like I am falling into a hole with walls so steep and slick that I will never be able to climb back out. I can’t help but wonder if people think I like being in pain or a general burden on the bulk of society.

I didn’t ask for this.

If I had to chose who should be stuck with this life (allowing that “no one” isn’t a viable answer), I would ask to take it on myself.

Because I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone… Even at my worst, I can’t be that cruel.

I wish I had the ability to at least keep it all to myself. The fact that it affects those I care about, may it be by causing worry or stress, is almost worse than the illness itself.

I want to break the cycle so much.

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~

Rebounding…

I have discussed Rebound Headache/Medication Overuse Headache (MOH) on here more than once. I would not be surprised if I mention it again in the future.

For those of you who don’t feel like reading previous entries, let me sum up:

A Rebound Headache is a phenomenon that occurs in people with headache disorders where the medications (OTC or prescription) they use to fight their symptoms ends up causing more headaches. It’s the worst cycle EVER, and a B***H to break.

According to my research, it is something that only effects people with headache disorders. If you, say, have chronic back pain, taking your aspirin or whatever won’t create more back pain. If you don’t have any sort of headache disorders, you probably won’t ever encounter MOH.

❄️Side Note: I prefer the OTHER version of MOH…Maid of Honor!❄️

At any rate, here is my current situation: About two weeks ago, I got whacked on the noggin. I won’t go into details, because it’s incredibly annoying when I recount them, but it caused many an issue for me. I was taking Tylenol with no results, Aleve with no results, Advil with…see the pattern?

Then, the migraine demon reared it’s ugly head again. I treated it accordingly. Being the fluff-brain I am, I never took into consideration that I was treating a head injury at the same time as the migraines.

Whoops.

Well, here comes Halloween, the busiest day of the year at my place of work, and I had a double shift (about 11.3 hours). I woke up feeling lousy. I suspected a reaction to something I had eaten the day before was messing with my stomach, but I did not have a headache at that point, so Yay! By noon…I had a headache. However, I was assigned the podium position to check people into their appointments, so that helped. A lot, actually. I made it through the shift and home, but by then, I did the “migraine shuffle” into my room. I ate a banana, took some meds, and hoped for the best, because I had another long day the next day (it would have been another double, but I traded the day before, thank every higher power out there…and the coworker who traded with me).

Morning comes, and the migraine is still there. I do my usual routine and take things one step at a time. Long story short, I called in. I even resorted to Demerol. I hate Demerol. Narcotics in general. Hate. Them.

Pain ebbs, so I take it easy.

A few hours pass, and the migraine comes back in full force and then some.

Oh, snap…

I knew what that meant.

I was in REBOUND.

I literally use every weapon in my arsenal to relieve the pain to nothing working. I even took myself to the ER for an IV, and that did nothing for the pain after about 20 minutes of something vaguely resembling relief. If I slept, I woke up in worse pain than when I started.

It is Saturday, and I haven’t worked since Tuesday. I am off Sunday and Monday.

I am still in pain. Although, now, it is maybe at a 6/10 rather than the 10/10 from before. Progress is progress.

My mom put it best, “It’s like when an alcoholic is trying to quit. You just want to have one more drink and it will make it better.”

I just wanted to take one Aleve to make it better. I knew, however, that it would not do me any favors. Maybe a few minutes of relief, maybe hours. But, it would come back. I would cry, shake, sweat…I am literally withdrawing from OTC medications, as well as Imitrex. I can barely move, and my energy comes in spurts (one of which I am utilizing to type this entry for you). It’s awful, and so frustrating. Even my lemon and sea salt potion did nothing. I have never put much thought to it, but having my extra throw blankets in the linen closet in my bathroom was a blessing in disguise when I was too nauseous after a bath to leave the bathroom. At the risk of TMI, I have never been so disappointed to not become physically ill. It was so close…but nothing happened. I just sat there, literally crying, sweating, and drooling, saying to myself, “Please…you will feel so much better…please…” Nothing.

I am very grateful for my Philips Hue light. The Northern Lights effect I can access through the Ambee app is so relaxing.

I have been rotating ice packs in and out of the freezer, and keeping a wet washcloth on my head the rest of the time. My Migraine Kit is literally on my bed. I am drinking Cherry Juice, using all-natural sleep aids, and brewing tea like it is going out of style (namely Pukka’s Tumeric Glow and Revitalize blends, as well as Twining’s Pure Peppermint and Traditional Medicinals’s Chamomile with Lavender brewed together). I also have lots of water handy, and a box of miniature candy canes (since Publix was out of Starlight mints). Food has been simple, bananas, applesauce (with cinnamon for it’s anti-inflammatory qualities), dried cranberries infused with cherry juice (cherries are also natural pain relievers!), and almond milk-based yogurt (almonds are like cherries on the pain relief spectrum). I also have microwave soup (salt helps relieve headache pain), and nibbled on some chipotle corn chips (spicy foods also help relieve pain). I am breaking so many FODMAP rules, but I will deal with that later. My head takes precedence over my gut right now (once the pain is gone, everything will fall back into place).

It’s been rough, but I am feeling a difference. I have my fingers crossed that, by Tuesday, I will be back to myself again.

Here’s hoping…

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~

EXCUSE ME?!

The context: A coworker thought it would be funny to play with a toy sword and *BONK* me on the head with it on Tuesday morning (playing around, not malicious. It wasn’t hard, but hard ENOUGH to trigger my head). Come Thursday, the spot still hurts something fierce, even worse than the initial hit. I see the company doctor. Yes, I reported the incident with the proper channels.

The doctor enters the room after I had finished my consultation with the RN beforehand, so he is aware of my situation. This is what happened:

Doctor: “So, I hear you have a headache.”

What I want to say: “No,Doc.I know headaches well. Intimately, in fact. I also know their cousin, Migraine, even better. This is not a headache. That’s like going to a doctor for kidney stones and having the doctor say, ‘So, I hear you have a stomachache.’”

What I really say: “I had a migraine, Sir, until it went away yesterday afternoon. Today, my skull hurts in the place where I was hit.”

I had to explain that a “headache was to your pulled quad as my pain was to your shin after running into the coffee table,” for my pain to be understood.

That’s how it always feels when a migraineur goes to a doctor who doesn’t specialize in headache disorders or migraine disease.

 

The Moral: Dont make flippant quips to people in pain/are sick. It invalidates their situation and is extremely condescending. And it isn’t funny.

 

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~