So Many Endless Cycles

What sucks about chronic pain conditions are the sheer amount of cycles you as a person are exposed to.

But we can’t talk about them. At least, no one wants us to talk about them.

Migraines cause insomnia, may it be in any of the stages of an attack. The insomnia either exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

We miss work, and we get stressed about our finances. We get stressed about the strain we put on our loved ones. Stress exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

Stress also causes insomnia. See above.

Insomnia and stress can cause anxiety and depression, which leads to more attacks, leading to more anxiety over finances and general depression.

I don’t know about you, but I get depressed from how much stress I cause others. That people worry about me all of the time.

Sometimes, it’s all I can do to not break down and cry.

But I don’t cry. I can’t. Crying exacerbates the attack or triggers the next. The tears form, those telltale gasping breaths begin…and I hold them back. Swallow them away.

However, fighting off the tears and sobs exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

Notice the pattern?

I don’t like to be negative, despite what so many seem to want to believe about me. I don’t like feeling like some sort of useless invalid who does nothing except sleep and cause strain on her friends and family.

Sensing an oncoming attack nearly triggers a panic attack almost every time.

Look above concerning anxiety.

I feel like a failure more often than I feel like a success. My thoughts in times like these get dark, I feel like I am falling into a hole with walls so steep and slick that I will never be able to climb back out. I can’t help but wonder if people think I like being in pain or a general burden on the bulk of society.

I didn’t ask for this.

If I had to chose who should be stuck with this life (allowing that “no one” isn’t a viable answer), I would ask to take it on myself.

Because I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone… Even at my worst, I can’t be that cruel.

I wish I had the ability to at least keep it all to myself. The fact that it affects those I care about, may it be by causing worry or stress, is almost worse than the illness itself.

I want to break the cycle so much.

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~

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Rebounding…

I have discussed Rebound Headache/Medication Overuse Headache (MOH) on here more than once. I would not be surprised if I mention it again in the future.

For those of you who don’t feel like reading previous entries, let me sum up:

A Rebound Headache is a phenomenon that occurs in people with headache disorders where the medications (OTC or prescription) they use to fight their symptoms ends up causing more headaches. It’s the worst cycle EVER, and a B***H to break.

According to my research, it is something that only effects people with headache disorders. If you, say, have chronic back pain, taking your aspirin or whatever won’t create more back pain. If you don’t have any sort of headache disorders, you probably won’t ever encounter MOH.

❄️Side Note: I prefer the OTHER version of MOH…Maid of Honor!❄️

At any rate, here is my current situation: About two weeks ago, I got whacked on the noggin. I won’t go into details, because it’s incredibly annoying when I recount them, but it caused many an issue for me. I was taking Tylenol with no results, Aleve with no results, Advil with…see the pattern?

Then, the migraine demon reared it’s ugly head again. I treated it accordingly. Being the fluff-brain I am, I never took into consideration that I was treating a head injury at the same time as the migraines.

Whoops.

Well, here comes Halloween, the busiest day of the year at my place of work, and I had a double shift (about 11.3 hours). I woke up feeling lousy. I suspected a reaction to something I had eaten the day before was messing with my stomach, but I did not have a headache at that point, so Yay! By noon…I had a headache. However, I was assigned the podium position to check people into their appointments, so that helped. A lot, actually. I made it through the shift and home, but by then, I did the “migraine shuffle” into my room. I ate a banana, took some meds, and hoped for the best, because I had another long day the next day (it would have been another double, but I traded the day before, thank every higher power out there…and the coworker who traded with me).

Morning comes, and the migraine is still there. I do my usual routine and take things one step at a time. Long story short, I called in. I even resorted to Demerol. I hate Demerol. Narcotics in general. Hate. Them.

Pain ebbs, so I take it easy.

A few hours pass, and the migraine comes back in full force and then some.

Oh, snap…

I knew what that meant.

I was in REBOUND.

I literally use every weapon in my arsenal to relieve the pain to nothing working. I even took myself to the ER for an IV, and that did nothing for the pain after about 20 minutes of something vaguely resembling relief. If I slept, I woke up in worse pain than when I started.

It is Saturday, and I haven’t worked since Tuesday. I am off Sunday and Monday.

I am still in pain. Although, now, it is maybe at a 6/10 rather than the 10/10 from before. Progress is progress.

My mom put it best, “It’s like when an alcoholic is trying to quit. You just want to have one more drink and it will make it better.”

I just wanted to take one Aleve to make it better. I knew, however, that it would not do me any favors. Maybe a few minutes of relief, maybe hours. But, it would come back. I would cry, shake, sweat…I am literally withdrawing from OTC medications, as well as Imitrex. I can barely move, and my energy comes in spurts (one of which I am utilizing to type this entry for you). It’s awful, and so frustrating. Even my lemon and sea salt potion did nothing. I have never put much thought to it, but having my extra throw blankets in the linen closet in my bathroom was a blessing in disguise when I was too nauseous after a bath to leave the bathroom. At the risk of TMI, I have never been so disappointed to not become physically ill. It was so close…but nothing happened. I just sat there, literally crying, sweating, and drooling, saying to myself, “Please…you will feel so much better…please…” Nothing.

I am very grateful for my Philips Hue light. The Northern Lights effect I can access through the Ambee app is so relaxing.

I have been rotating ice packs in and out of the freezer, and keeping a wet washcloth on my head the rest of the time. My Migraine Kit is literally on my bed. I am drinking Cherry Juice, using all-natural sleep aids, and brewing tea like it is going out of style (namely Pukka’s Tumeric Glow and Revitalize blends, as well as Twining’s Pure Peppermint and Traditional Medicinals’s Chamomile with Lavender brewed together). I also have lots of water handy, and a box of miniature candy canes (since Publix was out of Starlight mints). Food has been simple, bananas, applesauce (with cinnamon for it’s anti-inflammatory qualities), dried cranberries infused with cherry juice (cherries are also natural pain relievers!), and almond milk-based yogurt (almonds are like cherries on the pain relief spectrum). I also have microwave soup (salt helps relieve headache pain), and nibbled on some chipotle corn chips (spicy foods also help relieve pain). I am breaking so many FODMAP rules, but I will deal with that later. My head takes precedence over my gut right now (once the pain is gone, everything will fall back into place).

It’s been rough, but I am feeling a difference. I have my fingers crossed that, by Tuesday, I will be back to myself again.

Here’s hoping…

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~

Link

Join the Team!

The Migraine Team, that is!

My Migraine Team is a social media site designed for people who suffer from migraine, as well as other headache disorders. You can search through treatments and get feedback from actual sufferers who use or have used them. There are providers there, although not all of them are listed, and you can build a team of people in your area, who share similar migraine types, etc.

If you are a member, feel free to add me to your team! Maybe even leave your profile link in the comments section on this post for others to find!

It is a really great way to remember that you are not alone.

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This is my profile photo (at least as of 8/4/17), and I am listed as “Bunny.”

Find me here:
Bunny’s MyMigraineTeam.com Profile

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~

Chronic Illness and Conventions, Part Two: Have a Plan for the Unexpected

Yay, part two of the Chronic Illness and Conventions series! Remember, this is not only relevant to conventions, and can be applied to any situation when you are not at home and among strangers. Theme parks, concerts, whatever!

Here is the link for part one, in case you missed it.

Part two is all about Planning. Planning for the unexpected, having a plan for anything related to your chronic illness. Here are some examples:

  • A person with diabetes will have insulin/glucose tabs/snacks on hand.
  • Someone with a chronic pain illness (fibromyalgia, lupus…) will have a walker or cane if their pain can reach that point. Maybe they will have pain medications within easy access.
  • Asthmatics keep a rescue inhaler nearby.
  • Someone with extreme allergies will have an epi-pen on them.

Now, I know what you are thinking, Duh, Silly Rabbit! Of course they will have their supplies with them! I know that. The point of this post is not “don’t be irresponsible,” it’s “have a plan.”

The reason that I am having a full post in this series about having a plan and dealing with the unexpected is because it is seriously important. Now, in my experience with working with conventions in both hotels and convention center venues, there will always be resources available. Security teams from the event and the venue, as well as local police, and medical personnel is required by many (not all) venues during large events (like the popular dances at conventions). They are there to help you if you see something (like possible shoplifting or harassment), need something (like you locked your keys in your car or lost something), or in case of an emergency. These resources vary by event and by venue, so if you have any concerns, feel free to email the event staff in advance, and they can tell you which will be at their event.

Now, I cannot stress enough that while they are there to help you and keep everyone at the event safe, they have to keep everyone at the event safe. This could be thousands of people. They are not there to focus on any one individual. That could prove unsafe for the other patrons present. Now, don’t get me wrong, if there is an emergency, that emergent case is paramount and will be the main focus. However, if I have a migraine, I don’t expect them to bend over backwards and allow me to camp out wherever I please until I recover.

That is my responsibility.

This, of course, does not apply to anything that falls under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). If you have any concerns about service animals, wheelchair accessible areas, etc, feel free to contact the event staff! They will be more than happy to comply! With this in mind, if you have some sort of necessary accommodations that fall under ADA guidelines, contact the event staff and ask about such specific accommodations in detail. The people who run conventions and other such events are not psychic and cannot predict every individual need for every possible disability that may or may not be present at their event. For example, if you suffer from Epilepsy or seizure disorders, you may want to ask about what lighting is used in the dances, and if they have a policy about strobes. As someone with Chronic Migraine, I struggle with strobe lights, but when I am managing the Main Events room at Omni, part of the schedule includes a rave-style dance. Typically, strobes are a staple. Since this is usually the last event of the night, I can get away with slipping away not long after it starts (a perk of having one of the co-owners of Omni be the DJ and Tech Chief!). I don’t expect him to not use strobes in my presence, or to make the music softer while I am there. I make myself scarce and go to bed.

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Friends dance together during a rave at Omni [Fandom] Expo in 2015. I have seen several occurrences over the years of friends looking out for each other over the course of a con weekend.


❄️Note: Omni is a unique event. DJ Shadowfax hosts a signature event called The Blackout Rave where strobes are a common accent. Since he has many friends who have seizure disorders and since I have Chronic Migraine and photophobia, he starts the event with a “strobe-free” period. This is a special case, and should not be expected at every event! This is his choice!

Just remember that it is your responsibility to know what is in store at an event!

Now, back to the planning! You should be prepared in case of practically any circumstance.

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Chronic Illness and Conventions, Part One: Understanding Your Illness

In my “About Me” post, I briefly mention that I am a cosplayer. I also work at one of my local conventions, Omni Fandom Expo, as their Main Events (or Ballroom) Manager. Basically, I have the job of making sure that anything that happens in Main Events happens when it is supposed to happen as smoothly as possible. I have to think on my feet, and make sure that if it looks like something is going to run late, how can I stop it from starting a chain reaction and delaying the rest of the convention.

It’s a ruddy pain in the fluffy bunny tail, but I love it.

One of the associates at Omni told me that I should write a series of posts directed to people who go to conventions, or want to go to conventions, who struggle with a chronic illness. (❄️Side note: If you are not a convention fan, but you frequent places like Theme Parks, you can definitely apply these posts to that!❄️) So, here is part one!

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