So Many Endless Cycles

What sucks about chronic pain conditions are the sheer amount of cycles you as a person are exposed to.

But we can’t talk about them. At least, no one wants us to talk about them.

Migraines cause insomnia, may it be in any of the stages of an attack. The insomnia either exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

We miss work, and we get stressed about our finances. We get stressed about the strain we put on our loved ones. Stress exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

Stress also causes insomnia. See above.

Insomnia and stress can cause anxiety and depression, which leads to more attacks, leading to more anxiety over finances and general depression.

I don’t know about you, but I get depressed from how much stress I cause others. That people worry about me all of the time.

Sometimes, it’s all I can do to not break down and cry.

But I don’t cry. I can’t. Crying exacerbates the attack or triggers the next. The tears form, those telltale gasping breaths begin…and I hold them back. Swallow them away.

However, fighting off the tears and sobs exacerbates the attack or triggers the next.

Notice the pattern?

I don’t like to be negative, despite what so many seem to want to believe about me. I don’t like feeling like some sort of useless invalid who does nothing except sleep and cause strain on her friends and family.

Sensing an oncoming attack nearly triggers a panic attack almost every time.

Look above concerning anxiety.

I feel like a failure more often than I feel like a success. My thoughts in times like these get dark, I feel like I am falling into a hole with walls so steep and slick that I will never be able to climb back out. I can’t help but wonder if people think I like being in pain or a general burden on the bulk of society.

I didn’t ask for this.

If I had to chose who should be stuck with this life (allowing that “no one” isn’t a viable answer), I would ask to take it on myself.

Because I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone… Even at my worst, I can’t be that cruel.

I wish I had the ability to at least keep it all to myself. The fact that it affects those I care about, may it be by causing worry or stress, is almost worse than the illness itself.

I want to break the cycle so much.

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~

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An Letter for Children with Migraine

Recent studies are pointing towards Chronic Migraine being a genetically inherited disease over a random neurological condition. So, parents or potential parents who suffer from migraine, there is a good chance that one or more of your children will, too. My father has migraine, so did his mother. Other family members do, too. I have a twin who gets them occasionally, but I get them chronically. Genetics are a strange thing, eh? So, while I was laying in bed on my day off being lazy, it occurred to me that I need to focus some of my posts towards children. I was six when I got my first one. Six years old. That’s first grade. If it was not for the fact that my mom witnessed my dad’s migraines and had suffered them in the past herself, we would not have considered migraine as a possibility for my suffering.

Here we go:

Dear children with migraine,

I know it hurts. I have been where you are, and it feels like you’re dying. Everything hurts. Your eyes, ears, even your nose and teeth probably hurt. The TV is probably making your stomach feel sick. It takes every bit of energy to roll over, and you probably have to crawl to the bathroom. It’s okay.

If you get sick, it’s okay. It happens. No one will think less of you. As you get older, it may get easier, it may get harder. Don’t worry, though. You are strong. The migraines will make you stronger. Soon, you will able to tell when one is coming. You will know it is time to take some medicine. You can’t swallow pills yet? That’s okay! Many medicines come in liquid form, or you may be allowed to crush it up or open the capsules and mix it in something (Mom or Dad will know if you can). I recommend applesauce cups with some kind of fruit flavor (berry was my favorite when I was little, since it covered the taste of the medicine best). Take a bite, then wash it down with a swallow of milk (or your favorite milk-substitute). It may not taste good, but it will make you feel better. As you get older, you may learn to swallow pills.

Lay down in a dark room with something cold on your forehead and try to sleep. You will feel better in the morning. The migraine may last a few days, but it will feel better each day. Have your mom or dad keep a food journal, see if they can help you figure out what foods may give you migraines.

It will get easier. Just remember: You are not alone.

therethere

💖Hearts and Sparkles!💖
~Bunny~